T-Shirt slogans?

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Make yourself at home, clean my kitchen.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

Don't bother me, I'm living in a dream world.

Do I look like a fucking people person?

This isn't an office its hell with florescent lights.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.

You! Off my planet!!!

Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.

Bottomless pit of needs and wants.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my dog.

Does your train of thought have an engine?

The Bible was written by the same people who said the earth was flat.

Errors have been made, others will be blamed.

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

And just how may I screw you over today?

And your crazy, whiny ass, crybaby opinion would be?

If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil.

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Yeah, right!!! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth -
(this one for Monica Lewinsky)

Allow me to introduce myselves.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whisper my favorite words - I'll buy it for you!

Better living through denial.

Whatever kind of look you were going for - you missed.

Adult child of Alien invaders.

I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable.

I can't remember - am I the good twin or the evil one?

Don't worry, I forgot your name too.

One of us is thinking about sex - OK its me.

Adults are just kids who owe money.

I just want revenge... Is that so wrong?

It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

I work more than 40 hours a week to be this poor.

You say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing...

Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 2?

OK, OK I take it back - Unfuck you.

Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?

Not all men are annoying - some are dead.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work is done here.

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

Ambivalent? Wellll yes and no.

You look like shit. Is that the style now?

Everyone thinks I'm psychotic except for my friends on Mars.

Is it time for my medication or yours?

Does this condom make me look fat?

Did I mention the knee in the balls you WILL be receiving if you touch me?

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

Meandering to a different drummer.

I majored in liberal arts - do you want fries with that?

Its not the size its .......no, its the size.